Eating Disorder Awareness Week: a chat with our co-founder, Sam
Last week was Eating Disorder Awareness Week - an annual event dedicated to raising awareness about eating disorders (ED), promoting understanding, and providing support to individuals affected by these conditions. This is important and personal to many in the StrongHerd, so we had a chat with our co-founder Sam about her experiences with ED. We hope her story helps - for those of you currently struggling with the condition - you’re not alone and it does get better! And for those of you who might know someone with an ED - we hope Sam’s story gives you a little insight into what your friend might be going through and how you can help them!
What’s an eating disorder & how/when did you realise you had one?
Sam: So an eating disorder is a mental health condition which involves the control of food in some way - you essentially use the control of food to cope with feelings or difficult situations. It manifests itself in different ways, eating too much, eating too little, even purging (making yourself throw up intentionally). I didn't realize I had an ED until I kept getting told that I had an ED; mind you, I wasn’t told in a very nice way. I was in complete denial, which I think is quite often the case. I think the number of people that told me that something was wrong was sort of my wake up call. I was losing a lot of weight, and I wasn’t eating - at all. I kind of came to realize it was an issue, and I was doing it because it made me feel in control; at the time, it was the only thing that I could control in my life.
The struggle with a lot of mental health issues is that they are not visible - so people around us don’t necessarily know we need help. What did that look like for you when you were suffering from the disorder? Who did you reach out to for support/diagnosis/recovery?
Sam: I was independent from the age of 14-15, which made it easy for me to lie - about how much I’d eaten and my general food habits. I struggled for a very long time before anyone, including myself, realized - I reckon 4 or 5 years.
I didn’t reach out to anyone, really. And the reason I didn’t was because I was in such a dark place. I had people so scared for me that they’d almost force themselves upon me - such as teachers, people from college, etc. I was about to have my dream of becoming a professional dancer whipped away from me because I was at such a high risk of heart failure. So at that point I did reach out to a counselor - but that was frankly, no use at all. I didn’t really get any proper help until my late twenties - which was 9-10 years after the fact.
In your experience, what’s the role of exercise when it comes to eating disorders?
Sam: In terms of exercise, it had a huge impact. I was doing ALL of it - limiting my food, overtraining, focusing on becoming smaller. As I said, I was in a really dark place - so really, I just wanted to make myself disappear. And I struggled with this feeling even when I started eating more - feeling guilty about how much I’d eaten, then back to overtraining as a way to ‘burn’ all the calories. The big change came with weight training; it fixed my relationship with exercise. Strength training just changes things - it’s all about “oh my god, I can do this with my body!” and less about what your body looks like. Which is why I’m so passionate about StrongHer & introducing women to strength training.
Tell us about your recovery journey. Can one fully recover from an eating disorder?
Sam: My recovery journey was not easy. I was in denial for a long time, I then really just faked it till I made it. I couldn’t afford therapy at that age, so I really did my best to try and fix it myself. I started therapy at the age of 29 - and that wasn’t even because of the ED! It was because the behaviors I had within the ED had shifted - so whilst I wasn’t manipulating my food - those behaviors just came out in other ways. Quite honestly, the recovery journey is not a straight line, I’ve gone back and forth a couple of times. I had a bit of a flare up last year, so I spoke about it with my therapist and we found new coping mechanisms for me to deal with things when they come up; stuff like journaling, going for a walk, having a bath - things that take my mind off of it. To be honest, I don’t think you ever really recover - you just learn to cope better. I wouldn't say I’m fully recovered, but I’m a hell of a lot better!
Why do you think eating disorders are so prevalent nowadays?
Sam: I was in an industry that was very focused on aesthetics; you hear about the model industry, it’s quite similar in the performance one. And then there’s the art of comparison. Media and social media have a huge role to play here. I think mental health conditions, not only ED, are more prevalent than we think; and that interlinks with comparing ourselves to other people. With the stuff we see on social media nowadays, it's no wonder EDs are everywhere unfortunately.
Your best advice for someone reading this who is struggling with an eating disorder?
Sam: Talk to someone. I told myself at the time I couldn’t afford therapy but on reflection, I probably could - not because I did have the money, but because I was spending a lot on other bad habits; these bad habits were progressing my ED.
The first step is really just admitting that you have a problem; as I mentioned, I was in denial for a long time - it was over 2 years from the point someone told me I had an ED for the first time and the point I was honest with myself and finally admitted it. If someone is reading this, and you think you do have an ED - this is a great place to start. There are also so many free support networks out there! Reach out to someone, and start that recovery journey. Try to find yourself a support network - friends and family around you, people who want the best for you and want to help you. Confiding in someone - just talking to someone - is going to help. It does get better, I promise.
And here are some resources that could help for those of you who might need them: